Nice burn, youngblood

At IntellingentDissent via ITMFA.



This one is sweet too. Better do what The Man says...

Hard graft made simple

The Nigerian Football Association takes a page from U.S. politics: sure it's ok to accept bribes, as long as it doesn't sway your voting decisions.

LAGOS, Nigeria - Soccer referees in Nigeria can take bribes from clubs but should not allow them to influence their decisions on the field, a football official said on Friday.
...
"Referees should only pretend to fall for the bait, but make sure the result doesn’t favor those offering the bribe."

From Reuters via TPM.

A Jedi falls on hard times

This photo was taken by Nyx with her cameraphone on Broadway yesterday - a JBMartini exclusive. If I'd seen the guy I'd have bought him lunch. It's rough being the galaxy's keepers of the peace for a thousand years, only to have the Sith come along and screw it all up.

An acronym you should know

ITMFA

Circles

This Slate piece about today's oral arguments at the Supreme Court on Gitmo military tribunals does an excellent job fusing several of the most salient themes of America in the B*sh years. Among W's most enduring institutional legacies will be: getting a solid conservative majority among the Supremes (all appointed for life, of course); the undermining of basic concepts like habeas corpus and "torture is wrong"; and the intelligence-slandering, straight-faced deployment of interminable circular arguments before even the most (literally) select group of American citizens.

"Solicitor General Paul Clement has 45 minutes to represent the Bush administration, and here is where the smoke and mirrors kick in. He cites the executive's longstanding authority to try enemies by military tribunal. When Justice John Paul Stevens asks for the source of the laws that such tribunals would enforce, Clement replies that the source is the "laws of war." When Stevens asks whether conspiracy is encompassed within the laws of war, Clement says that the president views conspiracy as within the laws of war.
"Neat trick, no?
...
"And Stevens serves up another can't-have-it-both-ways query: When Congress takes away the courts' habeas corpus jurisdiction, "Do you say it's a permissible suspension of the writ or that it's not a suspension of the writ?" he asks.
"Both," replies Clement."

That's just a wee taste, the article puts it all into crystal context. Cheggit. Via Cursor. Pic from here via googleimages.

Speaking of babies...

Last night Stephen Colbert made the joyous announcement that he's going to be a father. The Avian Conservation Centre at the San Francisco Zoo is naming a new baby bald eagle in Stephen’s honour this year. On the show he picked out the egg...

"He’s got his father’s impenetrable outer membrane."








...and sent Stephen Jr its first meal: a chewed-up hotdog...








...deposited into a FexEd envelope...









...and sent overnight to the West Coast.







Stephen Jr should be emerging in two weeks. I'll be updating. Video segments can be watched at the Comedy Central website.

Baby...BOOM!

Normally, being a Gentleman Spy, I'm pretty good at diffusing explosive devices in the final seconds before detonation. Recently I was presented with a novel variation known in the trade as a "baby bomb", which I must admit went off before I could cut the correctly coloured wire. Fortunately, the results turned out to be pretty cute.



With thanks to the aforementioned Yukako and the wee Ayana (in the pink pants on the lower right).

You be wrigglin'

Brother Spy Boris sends word of a body-popping bendy b-boy bestowing bitch-hood to all bretenders. This kid as a soopafreak.


More here (I think it's the same kid slightly grown up).

Cecilia Fire Thunder

I've already mentioned the evil women-hating fucks who have made all abortion illegal in South Dakota, even in the case of rape or incest. One of the main evil fucks in question, Republican State Senator Bill Napoli, has been getting into some hot water (not nearly hot enough) for saying that "simple rape" should in no way provide grounds for ending a pregnancy. As I say, evil and a fuck.

So today crooksandliars tells me of a woman named Cecilia Fire Thunder, President of the Oglala Sioux Tribe on the Pine Ridge Reservation in SD, and her cunning plan.

"To me, it is now a question of sovereignty. I will personally establish a Planned Parenthood clinic on my own land which is within the boundaries of the Pine Ridge Reservation where the State of South Dakota has absolutely no jurisdiction."

This woman spits hot fire!! Good luck to her.

Hello Kitty kitty

Stuffonmycat is cracking me up on a near daily basis. Milhou here is for Yukako and Ayana (Yukako-ko).

Prince and Bowery

...at about 1am-ish on Saturday morning. There's a whole building on the corner done up like this.


So, r u o k?

Worst. Batmobile. Ever.

I've seen this vehicle on previous SoHo sundays, but this time I had a camera.

Straight up - give me a box of lego, a pram, two bottles of McCallan single malt and a blindfold and I'll still come up with a superior Batmobile.


Those fins...

'taches

For reasons I won't go into, I'm faced at various times of the day with the MSN homepage. The inanity of the offerings on display - a flash-slide-show of romance tips, career advice, war, celebrity warblings - has ceased to amaze me, but once in a while one punches through the fog. Saw this ten minutes ago.


Now where I'm from, these are 'taches, not 'staches. And if they've returned, why are all of the "'staches" on display of such vintage? MSN editorial is just having a turkish bath, are they not? Or are they? I can't tell any more.

One man's weekend, with sound fx

Not mine. But yesterday as I was waiting to cross Canal Street, I overheard the following from a 6'7" gentleman speaking into his cordless cell mic:

"No way man, I'm all the way downtown, and I ain't taking my ass to Brooklyn. I'm goin' straight up to the Bronx, gonna have a hot bath, an ice cold beer, and on DVD I got Kill Bill volume one *and* two. Nigga, you won't see me 'till Sunday ... *eve*ning!"

There is a mildly amusing site with more like this called Overheard in New York, but the above is a jbmartini exclusive.

It also reminded me of this highly amusing Kill Bill mashup: the Gogo Yubari fight scene with Super Mario Bros sound effects.



I've been rocking white and black Onitsuka Tiger trainers in capoeira, partially as a result of one particular low-angle shot of Uma's kicks from this video. They are shweeeeet.

That product placement shit works, yo.

Katrina and the waves of malice

This World Baseball Classic is the blogging gift that just keeps on giving. I learn today from Reuters* via DailyKos that the runner-up in the tournament is entitled to 7% of the event's profits. Except that the runner-up happens to be Cuba, which was only allowed to play in the WBC after negotiating a deal with the US State Department in February. And, under the 1962 US trade embargo, Cuba wasn't allowed to receive any profits at all. So Fidel, wily old bugger that he is, rather cheekily offers the prize money as a donation to victims of Hurrican Katrina, obliging the US government to refuse it since "there is nothing for Cuba to donate". And so perhaps the longest running gag in American foreign policy slaps its thigh once again and wanders off muttering to itself.

In further Katrina news, I thought this deserved a mention too. The wicked witch of the West and matriarch of the insidious B*sh clan, Barbara (soul pictured right), has reared up again to breathe sulphur into the nostrils of the hurrican's victims and humanity at large. The bubble-queen previously said of Katrina victims: "And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway so this (she chuckles)–this is working very well for them." Now it appears she gave a (tax-deductible) donation to the government's Katrina Fund, but specified that it go towards buying educational software products made by a company owned by her son Neil, the runt of the litter. Said company was a favourite with all manner of dodgy investment characters, according to TPM (who has another point about the questionable legality of the 'donation' here; turns out B and George senior are both investors in the same company too).

Neil, of course, is unjustly ignored over here, despite being up to his neck in the savings & loans scandals of the 80s, profiting on the family name and acting as bagman/go-between for all manner of scum, and famously pulling this excuse out of his arse during divorce proceedings with his wife a couple of years ago:

"He admitted in the deposition that he previously had sex with several other women while on trips to Thailand and Hong Kong at least five years ago.
The women, he said, simply knocked on the door of his hotel room, entered and had sex with him. He said he did not know if they were prostitutes because they never asked for money and he did not pay them.
"Mr. Bush, you have to admit it's a pretty remarkable thing for a man just to go to a hotel room door and open it and have a woman standing there and have sex with her," Brown [Sharon Bush's lawyer] said.
"It was very unusual," Bush said."


To quote Cartman, "I hate you guys".

(And yes that's another BB cracker on the left, about the Iraq war just after the first flag-draped coffin pictures went up on the Web)


*Also, dig the mixed-sports-metaphor in the Reuters headline: 'Baseball money becomes US-Cuba political football'. Doofoids.

Wheels of steel

I was feelin' the turntables again today, and found myself reminded of this piece of video genius. I think I saw it on boingboing originally, but a quick search on youtube pulls the puppy right up. Look out for the 'stop' button hit at the end of the sequence.

Sweary military analysts

William H. Arkin, a writer and analyst on military affairs at the Washington Post, shares an anecdote with an absolutely cracking sweary. I don't know much about him, but I have to admire his huevos grandes.

"A story: Almost three years ago, I was invited to give a talk to a high-level military audience about 'information warfare' as seen by a member of the media. I had been writing most of 2002 about U.S. plans for an Iraq war, indeed I had revealed what the Pentagon felt were damaging details of the war plan. At the end of my talk, a Marine Corps Brigadier General asked the question:

'Mr. Arkin, do you consider yourself a journalist or an American?'

...I took a drink of water as my blood boiled.

Me: 'Well General, because I am an American, I cherish the fact that I can call you a fucking idiot for asking the question.'"

For maximum Deadwood points he should have substituted the word 'cocksucker' for 'idiot', but the man still deserves a medal. A big fuck-off shiny one.

The Furce is strong in this one

There's this site that's always good for a giggle called stuffonmycat. And look what the cat dragged in today. A feller named Sammy (fo'real) and the stuff on him is Star Wars figures. He looks like a furry sail barge from Jedi.


Of course this is a game anyone can play at home. Here's a picture I took last summer of Nebs cuddling with Yoda, who may be 800 years old but likes a nice spoon as much as any of us. Bless.

Coney Coyotes... Can You Dig Iiiiiiiit!!!??

The crafty coyote that has led New York's plumpest on a three-day game of hide-and-seek through Central Park was finally nailed by The Man today. Via NY1, where there's also a video of the tenacious blighter from which I screengrabbed the pic.

"It's proved to be an elusive animal,” said Parks Commissioner Adrian Benepe. “Last night it hopped over this fence, and that's an 8-foot-tall fence. It's also quite adaptable. It came down through Manhattan streets to get here.
"We’re not sure how it got here but it had to be a very adventurous coyote to come across a railroad bridge, swim across the Spuyten Duyvil and negotiate city streets to get to Central Park,” said Benepe. “Remember Manhattan is an island. It's completely separated from the mainland and for a coyote to get to Midtown, it has to be a very adventurous coyote and this was a young, not very mature and very curious coyote."

Hal, for that is his name... Our thoughts are with you, our brave canine-ish friend. Especially Ninja-ko's, who was impressed with your evasionary tactics. (And he is in the pic that links to - gotta find him. He's a ninja, he hides.)

I'm reminded of The Warriors. A young blood finds himself cut off from his crew after a risky journey into the city to attend a critter peace gathering turns ugly ["Shit! The chicks are packed! The chicks are packed!"*]. He was just trying to avoid getting wrecked on the way back to his turf. Which could have been Coney Island, for all we know. Maybe he's one of the Coney Coyotes. And one can only hope that this morning he just decided, "I'm sick of runnin' from these wimps! I'll shove that bat up your ass and turn you into a popsicle."*

* Genuine Warriors quotes, dig it.

If Colbert says it, it's true

I stand corrected. Stephen C tonight on the World Baseball Classic:

"Yeah! We won! Whoooooooooooo [waves American flag]. So maybe we didn't technically win, since we were knocked out by Mexico in the semi-finals. But... we did beat Japan in World War II, so WE are the champions! [whoops while draping himself in American flag].

By similar logic (eg "Most of the countries in Europe wouldn't exist if it wasn't for us, so they're basically ours"), he deduces that only three of the 32 teams playing in this summer's World Cup are not actually already America. Fiendishly clever chap.

You know it's hard out here for a chimp

Ms Portman + monkey = my idea of a top saturday afternoon.


More here. This one's good too.

Bond... Cute Bond.

And this liddle blue-eyed boy is named Bond. Fo'real fo'real. The name fits - he certainly has that urbane yet ruthless look about him.

Another spot by Nyx at dailykitten, which does exactly what it says on the tin.

The NYT reads this blog

It's the only sensible explanation for this, on page 1 of the sports section of the New York Times:

The [World Baseball Classic] was so successful that Major League Baseball must re-examine its place in international baseball. Specifically, it must rename its fall classic. The season-ending event played in the United States each fall is dramatic and exciting, but it is not the World Series... There must be a change in how we refer to the October ritual when the best teams from the American League and the National League play a best-of-seven series. Call it the Fall Classic, call it the M.L.B. Championship. Just don't call it the World Series anymore.

Word.
And a perfectly good reason to put up another picture of our new friend, baseball-mitt-bra-model. Arigato to japundit.com. And even though it would have been funnier if Cuba had won, major props to the Japanese team for clinching the title.
Flags pic from here, via deadspin.

Coin couches are curiously comfy

A saturday stroll through SoHo with Nyx, Ninja-ko and the twins turns up these amazing pieces of furniture by Johnny Swing. The armchair is made from dollar coins, and the couch from nickels.







A couple more pics can be found at the flickr site, now updated with the recovered 'codename:lisbon' files.

Vretty Vucking Vood

I've been meaning to mention that I saw V for Vendetta last week, a couple of months after reading the graphic novel.
Capsule review: See it, it's definitely worth it.
Elaborations: Twenty years after it was written it needed some updating if it was going to make a relevant film - and whatever can, has and will be said about V for Vendetta, it is certainly relevant.

I was prompted to mention it just now because I was watching some arsebobblehead on CNN talking about B*sh and involuntarily I spoke the word "bollocks" out loud. This happens at least once in the film, and the sweary itself is something of a leitmotif throughout. The Wachowskis' rendering of Britain in 2020 is pretty laughable - in a good way, that is it made me laugh, not scoff - but they completely nail the "bollocks". Well done, lads.

This promo picture on the left here is very scoffable, however. But then what do you know, the same commercial realities also give us Ms Portman in a state of nekkid repose.


All these pics from google images. If it turns out the last one is a fake, well, bollocks.

"World's stupidest bottom-burp?"

BAMBI: So here goes with the starter for 10. What is the record number of marshmallows stuffed up one nostril?
[Mike buzzes in]
ANNOUNCER: Scumbag, Mike.
MIKE: Six hundred and four, Toxteth O'Grady, U.S.A.
VYVYAN: I told you that, Mike, you bloody cheat!
BAMBI: 10 points, Scumbag, and your question: Who produced the world's stickiest bogey?
MIKE: [buzzing in] Toxteth O'Grady.
BAMBI: Correct, 5 points.
VYVYAN: You bum bag!
BAMBI: The world's stupidest bottom-burp?
NEIL: [buzzing in] Rick, Britain!
BAMBI: Correct, 5 points.
RICK: It is not!
BAMBI: And finally, for 5 bonus points to take you into the lead: Who's been tampering with my question cards?
RICK: [buzzing in] It was me! It was me! [audience boos] Damn, damn!


Tee found at teemarto. Transcript found here; complete Young Ones transcripts, including Rick's poems, here. I wasn't going to, but I just can't resist...


Oh, Cliff
Sometimes it must be difficult not to feel as if
You really are a Cliff
When fascists keep trying to push you over it
Are they the lemmings?
Or are you Cliff?
Or are you, Cliff?
'Cliff', from the episode Demolition.

(I remember owning the record that this was the cover art for. Could it be that it was all so simple then...?)

The Must-See Ninja Event of the Spring

Ninja Holiday is now on general release. Don't give away the ending.

Still going to call it the "World Series", chaps?

Oh the deliciosity of it! Team USA has been eliminated from the World Baseball Classic by Mexico. Meanwhile, Cuba is kicking all sorts of ass/arse in the "American Game", even though the team's manager Higinio Velez somehow contrived to get himself expelled from his team's match with Puerto Rico for giving too much lip to an umpire through an interpreter. Felicidad! And, as usual, Japan takes top prize for imaginative team-themed clothing. Now that's a sports bra with real support(ers). I can't wait for the World Cup.

"What ees thees theeng, man?!?"

Ren and Stimpy creator Jon K. has a blog. That in itself is a good thing, but the man has also donated the Spumco archives to The International Animated Film Society, ASIFA-Hollywood, which has posted some of the storyboards to "Stimpy's Invention" on its archive blog. I had a hard time choosing which panels to appropriate - each one is in its own way quintessential R+S - but these ones won out.




via bb

Another Jon K thing of beauty is the video for "Fuck Her Gently" by the mighty Tenacious D. (I does love me some YouTube.)

'Ninja holiday' teaser pics

I'm in post-production on a flickr set that will rival the next Bond film for action, suspense, babes and vehicles - and ninja (an element the 007 series has neglected since the ninja-army binge in You Only Live Twice). Here are a couple of teaser pics for Aintitcool and the fan sites.

I iz back

Mission complete, and not without incident. Or bikinis. Or ninjas. All will be revealed soon...

Hasta luego

I'm going here for a week. Top secret mission. Note the utter lack of computers. More blog fun to come when I get back.