Brazilian juvenilia

Take a moment with this logo for the Brazilian Institute for Oriental Studies:




...and then consider that it won the b3ta Phallic Logo Awards. It's real, there's some backstory here. Since the tone has been lowered so far already, it seems fair enough to add this logo from a Florida rehab centre, via Scanner.



Fnarr fnarr, as we used to say round our way.

Colbert and Stewart - the only part of any award you show you need to see

Emmys blah blah utter wankfest blah blah don't give a fuck blah blah BUT... Crooks and Liars and the internets come to the rescue so that a part of it I might never have known about is served to me like a perfectly cut slice of comedy sashimi. "Kneel before your god, Babylon" indeed.

Mission file addendum: Here's the youtube version.

Trailer mashups galore

The Trailer Mash is a site dedicated to remixes/mashups of movie trailers. Much to enjoy here, but a special big-up is due to Kill Christ (Kill Bill + Passion of the Christ) and the trouble that it got its maker into with Mel Gibson. The Scarface romantic comedy up there now is pretty good too.

"I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence"

The old blogging mojo went on a haitus last week - somehow the news was too wretched to take the mickey out of, and I've been decompressing from the Brazil mission so New York is more familiar than weird at the mo. But tonight I saw "Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby", Will Ferrel's NASCAR piss-take, and felt that blogging tickle again. Ferrel has been making me laugh so long that it's practically a reflex action now, but another major treat is Sacha Baron Cohen (aka Ali G aka Borat) as a French driver transplanted from "Formula ungh", who drinks short coffees and reads Camus - yes, L'Etranger serendipitously enough (see post below) - while racing, is sponsored by Perrier, and delivers lines like "My husband Gregory and I want what any couple wants. To retire to Stockholm and develop a currency for dogs and cats to use". Sheer class.

Hope to get to "Snakes on a Motherfucking Plane" soon too...

A moment of peak irony in the B*sh years

CRAWFORD, United States (AFP), Aug 17 2006
US President George W. B*sh quoted French existential writer Albert Camus to European leaders a year and a half ago, and now he's read one of his most famous works: "The Stranger."
White House spokesman Tony Snow said Friday that B*sh, here on his Texas ranch enjoying a 10-day vacation from Washington, had made quick work of the Algerian-born writer's 1946 novel -- in English.

Absurdism. Existentialism. Alienation. A French philosopher. Killing an Arab with no apparent remorse. The Cure. I mean... Whaddyagonnadoo? I can see why he probably might not cry at his mother's funeral either, but... damn. Dig the "he made quick work" of the book too, all 144 pages of it. I first saw this story here, which contains some fine analysis (with links) in the comments, to wit:

President Discusses American and European Alliance in Belgium
Brussels, Belgium, February 21 2005
'We know there are many obstacles, and we know the road is long. Albert Camus said that, "Freedom is a long-distance race." We're in that race for the duration -- and there is reason for optimism.'

Ronald Aronson, the author of 'Camus and Sartre: The Story of a Friendship and the Quarrel that Ended It', writes....
The quote, "freedom is a long-distance race," was ripped from its context, one that establishes beyond doubt that Camus' words were not meant straightforwardly. No, a careful reading makes clear they were intended as a spoof of the thought of his former good friend, Jean-Paul Sartre.
[....]
The paragraph from which the president quoted begins by having Clamence extolling slavery, as Camus believed Sartre had done by aligning himself with the French Communist Party. Then Camus has Clamence condemn himself of hypocrisy, for which Camus criticized Sartre in his journal, by saying that that he "was always talking of freedom. At breakfast I used to spread it on my toast, I used to chew it all day long, and in company my breath was delightfully redolent of freedom. With that key word I would bludgeon whoever contradicted me; I made it serve my desires and my power."
[....]
Camus' character, while sounding resolute and tireless about pursuing freedom, making it seem daunting and thankless but the mark of a true human being, is really prattling on about freedom. He is intimidating people with it, using it for purposes of self-interest and does not at all believe in it. The grand-sounding phrase about freedom being a "long-distance race" is just another piece of flimflam. Camus, a writer who pondered every phrase, every word, might turn in his grave upon hearing Bush misunderstand his meaning.

I was also glad to see that the experience of reading a book has prompted the Prez himself to start blogging again.

Sweary movie classic - The Big Lebowski

On Friday night we went to a midnight showing of The Big Lebowski at a theatre on the Lower East Side. I've seen it many times but never in a cinema, and of course it was fucking funny all over again. When I posted the pug bowling video a few weeks ago, I didn't twig the use of the Gypsy Kings' version of 'Hotel California' - turns out it's Jesus' (as in "nobody fucks with the Jesus") theme tune. In another jbmartini blogkarma moment - what I sometimes call a meeting in the valley of serendipity - I happened across a shorter version of the film, in that it only features every use of the word 'fuck' (and derivatives, obviously). I posted the Scarface version in March. What's especially enjoyable about both cuts is that each 'fuck' is in chronological order, so each film remains narratively coherent - to the extent that either one of the originals can make a claim to coherence in the first place.



If you enjoyed that, and remember He-Man, then you will probably get a kick out of this:

"That was an Improvised Explosive Opportunity, filled with the flying shards of a better tomorrow"

The Daily Show's new Middle Eastern correspondent Aasif Mandvi delivered a cracker of a first report last night. He even pulled off a 9/11 gut-punch like he really believed it.

Seductive the power of the Pink Side is...

It's been a while since my last Hello Kitty update. I spoke with Agent Yukako of the feared Toyama-Owens Clan tonight, and as ever was inspired to put up a couple of the latest nonsensical editions to the HK canon. We begin with a video game that never got made, one of a batch of gems including "GTA Saskatchewan" and "Super Mario Bloodlust".



Next up is this fine Kitty vs Vader mashup spotted at BoingBoing.



Which offers a smooth segue into this video of "Darth Vader being a smartass" plucked from the youtubeinterwebmassive and delivered to Martini HQ by Agent 'Bredren' Boris. Nothing to do with the Pink One, but this editing is pretty cute too.

Fresh street art on my block

Examples of the new appearances on Thompson Street I've noticed since my return. The first is simply inspired, as well as tiny (thanks to Nyx for pointing it out to me the very first time we went past it).



The second is one of a triptych of faces painted on to a page of sex ads from the back of the Village Voice. Less left-field than 'numb nuts', but nicely executed nonetheless.

Cats in trouble

With the new (English) football season soon upon us, I thought the first pic was timely. Thanks to Agent Robin for thinking of me when she saw this.


And this one below is a little old, but still speaks volumes.

Bunny-Luv

I've been remiss in updating the blog since my return to New York. Some readjustment was required, a little recuperation, and perhaps even a wee recalibration. And it's a slow news time obviously, what with only two or three major wars going on. So I've been wondering what odd piece of everyday life here would inspire me to get back in the saddle. I am not especially proud to report that the answer is below.

I finished a bag of carrots this evening and only when the bag was empty did I realise that I was eating 'Bunny-Luv' brand 'classic cut' baby carrots, promoted by one of the most highly sexualised cartoon rabbits since Jessica Rabbit herself. And I pondered for a moment the underlying structures that finally give rise to the humble carrot being packaged and promoted in such a way. And in one moment I realised - America is Bunny-Luv, and Bunny-Luv is America.



It's good to be back.

Até mais, Brasil

Mission successful

Although it won't go reported anywhere, the good news is that Dali and I sucessfully completed the mission to save the world from The Cats from Brazil, with a little help from Agents Calé and Juju. Muito obrigado, my friends.

As the timer ticks down...

It's been a week or so since my last entry - things got pretty busy after those monkeys made an appearance. It began raining here on Saturday and hasn't really stopped since then, but the mission has been rushing towards its climax unabated by the weather. Highlights of the past seven days include:

- going to a full-on baile funk (funk ball) in Favela de Rocinha in a massive concrete sports hall, with at least 3,000 people in attendance (by 3am, anyway), a live stage show with MCs and dancers, an unexpected appearance by a telenovela star, and a host of gentleman sporting automatic weapons in a group in the centre of the basketball court. I saw some of them dancing too, with the odd AK47 waved in the air in time to the beats. I also heard easily the most exciting and vital music that I've encoutered on this whole trip, and probably the filthiest dancing that the human body is capable of performing. A definite highlight that I'm still trying to process days later;

- being mistaken for someone I'm not in Ipanema by a woman working in a very posh jewellery store, who came up to me in the street and asked "Excuse me, you are movie star, yes?" Not a word of a lie, I was with my surprise Belgian contacts Agents Haggie and Rosey who will confirm the whole story. Haggie and I looked at each other, smiled, and I said, "Sure, that's me." It took another ten minutes to persuade her I was joking when I said this, because she had convinced herself that I was trying to "look like I didn't want to be recognised" as I was wearing one of my beautiful hats. I asked her what kind of movies I was in, and she said "Action". We still have no idea who she thinks I am.

- a visit to the Macaraná stadium, the Brazilian equivalent of Wembley in London in terms of national historical value. I stood in Pelé's foot-imprints, as well as those of Ronaldo and a chap called Roberto Dinamite (one can only hope he's a relation of Napoleon's), saw the locker rooms and ran down the player' tunnel on the pitch, which is helpfully filled with the recorded sound of a cheering crowd.

- last night Calé and I were invited by Juliana's mother to the opera at the magnificent Theatro Municipal in Praca Floriano. We saw Bellini's "I Capuleti e I Montecchi" (Romeo and Juliet), and frankly words will fail me if I try to describe the beauty of the entire experience. Among the 60 or so pictures I have stored on my cameraphone are shots of the building, which I will try to post when I figure out how to get them all off my memory card in one go.

- and, there were more monkeys.

Tonight Dali is hosting a farewell party for me at his phat pad in Copacabana, to be attended by the many new friends I've made here. Final post and pics from Brazil will go up tomorrow before I head to the airport.